Hi Matthew. First off, I am in no way a relationship expert, but I will whip out my Judge Judy robe and give you my take on this situation.

In a situation like you wrote about, I think you should confront your roommate first. People all have very different mannerisms and some people have no idea when enough is truly enough. He/She may not even realize that it is an inconvenience.

He/She may be under the assumption that the more the merrier, and talking about it (honestly) may be the trick for him/her to realize that it really is bothering you.

Think that helps?

Matt,
This is one of the issues that, ideally, are hashed out and some ground rules are agreed before the lease is signed. (Check out our roommate agreement checklist.) If the topic was never raised before you moved in, you should have let your roommate know how you felt as soon as the situation made you uncomfortable. He was probably so in love he was just oblivious to you.

I would definitely take the direct approach first. I've been on the other end where I was the botherer rather than the bothered, and sometimes, people just don't know that they're a pain in the butt! They just have no idea! If this doesn't work then it's time to take the legal route. To Sisko, I think your blog is really great - so many people like me need so much help, I just got my first apartment last January and it's been great but I can feel the occasional pain. There's this show that I've noticed about houses and whatnot, about buying and selling them and the drama that comes with getting the best deal. I'd recommend it to you and your readers. It's called Bought and Sold at HGTV. Check out http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/shows_hbas for more info. I know this because I work with them. Thanks and good luck!

I guess I'm in the same situation, plus a bit more. I'm in my fourth year of college and now live 3 other guys, one is basically married (don't know why they don't get their own place), another has his gf come over pretty much every night.

Now as most of us know college housing isn't the most luxurious nor spacious as noted above. Now I guess my $.02 is that we have instead of 4 people which signed the lease, upwards of 6 people in the place and yet I still have to pay full for all the utilities (which we split equally) and rent. On the side of that there is less room for food, storage and random other things they decide "Let's just leave it at his place."

If I had the money to live alone you know that would be my easy way out ....

Great site btw.

Ken,
How about suggesting that you guys split the utility bills six ways and your "couple" roommates pick up a double share. It seems only fair. Good luck!

And thanks for the nice word about our site. Hey, why don't you tell your college's housing office to give us a link. Many schools have already done it.

Ken,

Another option is that each person pays a month's worth. For example, you pay June, a roomie pays July and then the other roomie pays August, etc. Say August is for the "basically married guy," it can be his job to pick it up in full or split it with the love of his life.

Ok, So I am in this situation now. I got a new roommate, and he has his GF over 24/7. We do have a large 3 BR/ 2 Bath apartment, but it still annoys me that she is always there (and our other roommate too). We keep on talking about how best to approach this, but we are really unsure- especially since we can't seem to get time alone with him. If you were successful talking to a roommate about this, please tell me how you did it; or if you were on the other end, please tell mne how you would like to be approached.

I am the girlfriend in this situation and I honestly don't know what to do. It has already been expressed that my boyfriend's two roommates (one much more so than the other) want to sometimes have guys only nights. Cool and all, except they all have different schedules so what night would be their night isn't clear, nor how often this should be a "rule" (I respect the comment above this should have already been discussed before signing the lease when the roommates knew we spent almost all our down time we could together).

He really is the love of my life and my best friend. So often the question comes up:

"Why don't they just move in with each other?"

Well, he comes from a very traditional family and that sort of arrangement is not appropriate for unmarried couples. And as for getting married... we do not feel we need to rush ourselves in to that just to officially live with one another (as it seems his sister has done... even though her and her husband are perfect for one another).

I even suggested that we split the utilities 4 ways since I am there and that is what I am using (as someone had suggested above). I even help contribute to the groceries and such. Everyone agreed that this would be fine. The thing is, every time I am there, the roommate who is bothered with me around is quite rude to me and this agreed upon arrangement doesn't seem to be "okay" anymore.

This specific roommate actually used to be one of my really really good friends in college and he is the one that set me up with his best friend, my boyfriend, now his roommate. Now all of the sudden I feel he treats me as just his roommates girlfriend that is around way to much, rather then his friend too.

I do feel awfully bad that I know he feels I am invading his territory and am not sharing the rent (because truly it isn't my place, nor should I be expected too considering I do not have my own room - heck, I should honestly pay half of my boy's rent since I am technically sharing his room).

But my boyfriend and I just have a healthy relationship where we are okay to so each other every night after work and so on. We enjoy being around each other just that much.

It sucks that this is a problem, honestly. And is there a way to solve it? I don't know. I, as the over-welcomed girlfriend, feel horrible I have caused this negative attribute to the roommates' relationship and it just makes me not want to be around the "24/7" time to spend with my love. And that pisses him off that the nights his roommate gets his "guy time" is only because I feel uncomfortable, bad, upset, etc. about the situation and stay at my place, bored and watching tv with my cat; wishing I could be with him. Which sucks for him, because he is all pissy I refuse to come over (when he wants to be around me) and his guy time turns into a bad situation because he's mad that I refuse to come over because his roommate makes me completely feel a bother... which I admit, I could very well be.

So, I guess to Matthew's situation that "She had her own place, but never stayed there because she was either A) in love that much or B) considered our place her "get away" from her own annoying roommates/living conditions. It was obviously B.".... Well, it isn't exactly obviously B... my whole scenario is obviously A. I love my where I live, but I love my boyfriend more.

Sorry this got so long, and may not help answer at all, however, it's a viewpoint from a different person in the situation questioned upon.

Robin,
What's missing here is any reason why your boyfriend cannot stay at your place every now and then. Do your roommates object?

Robin,

The bottom line is that when a roommate has their girlfriend over everyday (like in my personal situation) it is flat out annoying, period. It has nothing to do with rent, it has everything to do with the statement, "this is where I live and you do not live here."

The fact that you feel as though your love is your reason for being at your boyfriends apartment all the time is laughable. You are at his house all the time because you would feel lonely otherwise. You have grown so accustomed to having someone there that you want to spend all of your down time together, yes, we have all been in a relationship before, but no i don't like to jump to conclusions about love making you attached at the hip.

The definition of LOVE: "When an extraordinary act is done without the expectation of return."

The definition of INFATUATION: "When a person can not be without an object"

Where this plays into the home life scenario is that fact that you adore all of your boyfriends mannerisms, and he yours. Now, all the the roommates are fully aware of your mannerisms as well except we hate them. There is no amount of money or quality of discussions that will make anyone think otherwise. Flat out your existence is annoying to us because we have to deal with the repetitiveness of our engagements without the same connection that you have with your boyfriend.

For example: "If you were dating me and you always say "That's so radd man" whenever you think something is cool, i would think that you were adorable. BUT, every time you say "That's so radd man" and the roommates hear it for the 1,000,000th time it makes them want to stab their eyeballs with dull objects and turn their feet inside out!"

Do you see??? There is nothing anyone can do, male v. female, female v. male, it is all the same. The roommate will never, ever, ever , ever approve of their buddy's girlfriend being over every freaking day. Period.

You said that your former friend who set you up with your current boyfriend treats you differently? Well it is because he sees you everyday and not because you want to or because he wants to but because it is built into his life.

If you were to not see this individual for say a few months and then you saw him randomly one day I am sure he would be happy to see you; similar to when you were friends way back when. But since he sees you all the time, not because you want to have fun with him but because you want to cuddle with you lovie poo he will resent you no matter what curse or magical spell you summon.

And the next problem: "You sitting at home watching TV with your cat when you are not with your boyfriend." This happens because you spend so much time with this individual you have removed yourself from societal reality. It is not normal in society to only have one person in your life that you spend a significant amount of time with. When your roommate wants to have "guy time" (which no guy ever says by the way) why don't you call a friend to hang out? Oh, it is because you do not pursue other friendships besides the one you are already in. This is deadly to not only your relationship situation 5 years from now but your interpersonal friendship situation in the future as well. You are deleting your ability to make new friends, forge new relationships, and discover things about people (not your boyfriend) that you never knew before. It is your debt to society to grow and develop as a human being. Human beings are not individual in nature, they live in groups, and please note that a group consists of more that two people.

This is a situation that some special people have to live with. We are changed by this situation, it shapes how we think.

As for the people in the relationship doing all the schmoozing in front of us....well they are changing themselves in a completely different direction.

So what can we do?

Well you can graduate, get a job, and find a place of your own. This is the only true fix. You can have talks, you can get to a point at which everyone says that "it's fine" but at the end of the day you will still be annoying.

Sorry I sound really mean but this is one of my more passionate theories/beliefs.

Evinrude,

I cannot agree more with what you say. I am one of the bothered and after speaking to my roommate several times, I've realized that no matter what her boyfriend does/says, his presence will be a bother.

I am also in a long-term relationship, but I see my boyfriend a few nights/week, spread about between our two places. We each have nights where we hang out with our friends seperately because we are not dependent on each other. I think that's the problem here with these couples who are together every night. When I ask if you'd like to hang out, and your first response is to see what his plans are, then you have a problem.

As much as I liked my roommate in the beginning, this experience has soured both our friendship and her friendship with our mutual friends. I'm just counting down the months to the end of our lease.

hi.. i dont know if anyone is still paying attention to this post.. but im in a similiar problem.. except my roommate happens to be a lesbian.

My roommate and i are like sisters... we were roommates in college and never had any major problems, and now we share a two bedroom, one bathroom house together. My problem with her girlfriend isnt that i dont like her, but a couple other things. 1) i dont like being woken up at 4am when she decides to leave and go to work.. using her hairdryer in a house where you can hear anything 2) i dont like that she is over every single night because my house is where i relax when im done working my two jobs, and it is where i want to have privacy and not be around random people 3) i am very tired of trying to watch tv in the living room and relax, or even just sleep in my own room when i can hear them "being intimate" two rooms away for hours 4) and this is probably the biggest one.. i miss my friend. We used to spend one on one time together, but now even if we do go out, she brings her girlfriend along. My roommate holes herself up in her bedroom with her girlfriend and only surfaces for air or to make dinner, and then she doesnt clean up after herself. If you leave dishes in the sink for a night, you might be busy.. ok. if you leave dishes in the sink for 4 days while your laying in bed with your hunny.. thats not cool. No sweeping, mopping, cleaning the bathroom, shoveling the drive... these are all chores we used to each take care of routinely before she became so involved.
Its weird because i dont want to sound like a jealous girlfriend, because im straight and there is no attraction, but when i signed up for a roommate i did just that. I didnt sign up to be a maid, and i only wanted to share my living space with one person. I can understand having someone over a few nights a week, or maybe even every other night if its really that serious of a relationship, but i dont feel like it is very fair for me to have someone i dont even know living in a house i pay rent for, and waking me up at odd hours and being an indirect cause of my roommates unproductiveness. Im looking for positive feedback here, so if you can help, thank you!

Anonymous...,

Hi. Well, I am struggling to think of the correct way to help you. Ok. Here is what I think you should do, though I am a guy and we have inherently different ways of handling problems, (i.e. you just go shopping and I go eat pounds of steak and punch things), but seriously I have no idea your personality so without that information I can't really give you a great answer.
That being said I will advise you according to what were in your situation (which I still am in.)
First. The fact that you do not create problems by writing your roommate silly notes and telling her off but instead seek outside help is very admirable and the fact that you care about this person's feelings is obvious.
Second. 1.)as far as the hair dryer in the morning (4AM) that would be terribly annoying...well there is a program you can download for free called "Atmosphere Lite" (just google search for it) and it generates all the sounds of nature. If you are able to sleep with background (white) noise I would suggest you teach your body to be able to sleep with the sounds playing, this will make it harder to hear the blow drier. When I was in the dorms my roommate and I were in a quad, yeah four guys in about 20sqft of space is the definition of annoying. All night my roommate would talk to his girl friend and no matter what we said he would just talk a little quieter and thing we couldn't hear his girlish (no offense) giggle from under the covers. Eventually we got tired of screaming "ROONN!!" Now what I and my other roommate did was get a standing fan, turn it on med, and put a bathroom towel over it (no joke) and it created the most wonderful white noise just quiet enough for me to be able to sleep but loud enough to keep giggles out of earshot. 2.) I know how you feel with the home being a place a calm and rest after a long days work, believe me it's tax season and I haven't gotten to bed later than 10:30PM (except for saturday nights) since the first of the year, and never fail the few moments I have to rest my roomate we will call "Ruprect" and his girlfriend will be around, always always always...well my best advice to you is to find a new "home" or place of peace. I am sorry to say but until they break-up (something i actively pray for(JK)) she will be in our house always. So i find myself wandering and I make where ever I am my home or place of peace, or I make my drums or guitar my home or place of peace, or I will go to my girlfriends and make that my place of peace...I guess what I am saying is until you own (or rent) your own place you really can not count on any solace at any given point of time so you have to make it for yourself. 3.) This is very similar to number 2, honestly I don't mean to be vulgar but I don't think that anyone screams louder than Ruprect's GF, seriously at one time he though it was funny when the whole house could hear her scream and to be honest it makes me so sad/upset when relationships become sex-heavy because that means they have completely lost themselves in the physicality. It becomes how they communicate, it becomes another language that teaches any couple to be selfish and that this relationship is not about love but pleasure. I know. I know. You think I'm wrong, you think I am some conservative stone age prude loser but you know what I don't really care...mostly because I see it everyday in them and I see it on TV (which I hate BTW) and I even see it in my own relationship and it drives me to the wall. Listen I know this is not the issue brought up but I sometimes ramble a bit...the point is if you have already let this situation happen more than once that you may be too late (unless you really want to) say something because your behavior of not saying something the first time was a signal to your roommate that that did not bother you. The sex type questions always get me in the wrong direct, I always get off topic and come to the same bottom line that the definition of love and infatuation are two entirely separate worlds. If it really bothers your you have every right you approach your roommate and ask her very kindly if she would try to keep that activity to when you are not home. Plain and simple. (Or you could grab two pots and run around the house baning them together screaming "OKLAHOMA!! OKLAHOMA!! OKLAHOMA!!"........well at least I plan on doing that one of these times.)
Ahh yes, the old question number 4.) Well i am a complete pessimist when it comes to this situation, i have recently had as awakening with my former group of friends and was so tired of the politics that were forced upon me I just up and stopped talking to two of them for the most part. The point was not that I was right but that I stood up for something. I've had the conversation with people who I missed because they were hanging out with there sig-fig (significant other) so much. To be honest I don't think they will ever understand. The bottom line is that they are happy, and you telling them you think they spend too much time together bothers you and that is often translated into you have a problem with the relationship in general which is never the case and well lets just say that when it is you against them they will always agree with what they are currently doing because who really intentionally does things they themselves don't agree with? In their mind everything is good and then here comes "big bad anonymous" telling the couple they spend too much time together and you miss your friend. I guess what complicates the situation is that your roommate is gay and her GF may see you actively seeking her time as an "agressive" move. Well it's funny I am also in that exact same situation with a female friend of mine who I used to be very best friends with. We used to hang out almost everyday and talk about anything anytime anywhere. Also i kinda liked her but just the way things were, I didn't want sex or to get intimate at all... I just wanted to hang out and learn and teach each other from our own past experiences. Well the point is she now has a BF and well she spends all of her time when she is not doing something (she's already a very busy person) with him and as "the best friend" i get the curb and I know why but i wish it didnt have to work that way.

The point is people will always do what they want, believe what they want, and act accordingly. The only thing you have control over is yourself. You have to spin every situation you perceive as negative (they see as positive) and adjust your behavior to make it more tolerable for yourself. I don't believe in the sit down pow-wow style of handling problems in these one on one types of situations because at the end of the day she is not cuddling with you she is with her. Please let me know if any of this helps and please hand in there you only have a few more months on the lease and you can make a better decision. (FIND SINGLE ROOMMATES!!!) Remember you are only in control of yourself and the moment you start throwing your weight around the worse the situation will become. And last but most importantly...this whole process, everything, is making you grow. You are becoming more and more conscientious everyday, every dish of hers that you wash you grow a little and likewise anytime you let those 4 day old pots and pans bother you you lose a little ground. Take control of yourself and you will be happy. Ask you friend to do things with you exclusively, maybe if you didn't allow it to become plans and did something spontaneous (if possible her GF permitting) that may work... anyway I feel for you and i hope your sanity can make it through the rest of the winter.

I feel with everyone here. I know what it is like to live seperately from your bf/gf but I also know what is like to have an unwelcome guest. I live with my boyfriend and to save money we got another roomate, who happens to be my cousin. From the beginning our roomate has had his girlfriend in our apartment around the clock!! At first we thought in was going to be a short relationship and we wouldn't have to be bothered for very long, but we are now into the second semester of our lease and she has been at our apartment since we came back form winter break. Literally she has been there everyday but maybe three r four days!!! She leaves the doors unlocked so she can come and go when she pleases or she will take our roomates key and just walk in whenever. She is very messy, she eats our food, showers, and wipes her makeup on the walls of our bathroom (I took the papertowels out of the bathroom because I was tired of her using them up)! She has even gone has far to have her friends come over to hang out even when our roomate isn't home!! We have tried to talk to our roomate a few times but he is a little clueless. What should we do I think I am going to lose my mind.

i'm in a similar situation- except i am the roomate who has her bf there every night. i have 2 roomates- who feel he has "moved" in and is a 4th "roomate." they have said if he contributes financially then they are fine with it.

he is there, not because he's trying to skip out on not paying rent, but because he wants to be there WITH ME. he sleeps in MY room, watches tv on MY tv, is there when I"M there but leaves when i leave, and does not have a key. i don't do much during the work week...i come home have dinner and watch tv. he's over to spend time with me.

i can understand what they say about him being there all the time; but he is not messy, his stuff is in my room, and doesn't eat or use any of their stuff. he even does the dishes more often than them!!

the resolution is him helping financially- we split the utilities 4 ways. fine, that's maybe $40-60 each (we only pay cable and electric).

he's not on the lease. he's essentially the "man on the couch." his only belongings are a few clothes items (in my room) and soap/shampoo in the bathroom. the other two have their own rooms (2 of us share a bathroom and the other has her own), and he's sleeping in my room for which i pay rent for and my portion of utilities every month.

the other roomate has a bf also, but doesn't share her bathroom. he doesn't stay over during the week, but is there during the weekend. he showers there, has done laundry there, and in the past used to stay over more often (was never an issue with me). but to her, he's only "visiting" not "living" there. they choose to not stay together during the work week together. i choose to spend this amount of time i do with my bf. i think if her bf there on the weekends, then guess what he should be contributing as well.

i don't think my bf should be paying even half (which would be at least $300+) of what i pay for rent!

i suggested to the roomates as a resolution:
splitting the utilities 4 ways
$100 contribution towards "rent." (a 1/3 of what i pay-if they want to split it between the two of them fine, i don't care about the extra $33).

i don't think he should be added to the lease because he doesn't have his own room. he still would not have a key, which requires him to go in or out with ME. but since he will be contributing financially, then he has the right to be there when i'm not. when i mentioned this fact, they still had an issue. the only belongings he would have are his clothes, that go in my room, and bathroom stuff.

my question is- how much should he contribute towards "rent."

this makes me feel as if he has to pay to spend time with me!!

I am living in a similar situation. My roommate has his gf over every single night, and they talk and have sex and make noise for hours on end. It becomes difficult to sleep, concentrate, or do anything. I cannot hang out with my roommate at all, because I instantly become the 3rd wheel. I find solace in my friend's dorm, but I wish I could just live in peace sometimes. I am so sick of coming into my dorm, only to find that my room is locked, so I have to sit in the kitchen for hours. And when the room is not locked, my roommate and his gf are sitting on his bed yapping about god knows what, and I just cannot stay in the room.

She also eats all of our food. More specifically all of MY food. My oatmeal, bread, milk, pudding, waffles, cereal, raman, EVERYTHING. It is really beginning to piss me off. And all she does is bitch constantly about her roommates, so obviously she never wants to stay in her room.

In fact, right now as I am typing this, I can hear my roommate and his gf having sex in our common room/kitchen area. No wonder I cannot sleep at 5am, and I am here typing this rant...

Maybe she'll get pregnant, that would shock her current lifestyle, and from the sounds of it she could probably use a little divine intervention...Evinrude is right couple like that just bang all day with no consequences really bothers me too, and they're destroying all of other interpersonal relationships including their own with the BF/GF!!!

I agree w/ mostly everyone on this blog, and am the roomate. My questions are 1) when we signed the lease with this roomate he was single so we didn't set down rules for having just one person over. 2)why can't they go to her apartment?! Her being over her every other day and bossing me around in my house is pissing me off. I don't want to ruin the relationship my fiance, the other roomate, and I have with him but she's making it unbearable and he doesn't listen to confrontation. He's the best man in our wedding and this is making us seriously regret that decision. ARgh!

You know im in this same situation now except i find it a little more extreme. Me and a friend of mine decided to get a place together found this amazing house. Around this time she started hanging out with this homeless, toothless, dirty guy. Who after 3 days of moving into our place he had already been staying here for 4. So i have this homeless guy who never showers dosent have a job is missing teeth useing my things and she is taking things out of my permission. So hes been sleeping here a month. My friends wont come over becuase of the smell. Ive tried to talk to her about it on numerous occasions and she gets really defensive and is apparently in love with this homeless guy. Im about to have a nervous break down, My friends refuse to come over now if hes here and thats all the time, some of my shit is going missing and im trying to find any excuse to stay at someone elses place to get away from it. But we signed a year lease. I dont know if i should go to the land lord about this. But i really cant afford to move out of here which is the crappy part. Any advice? When i talk to her all se says is "i shouldnt have to regulate how much my boyfriend stays over here" Well...you know what hes effin homeless so its not like he has his own place to go to ARG!! *pulls out hair*

Anon,

Your situation is beyond the scope of us amateur advisors. You'll need to find some professionals to sort this out. Is there a renter's hotline where you live? Can you call your local social services office? Or go to your local legal aid office with your lease and see if they could help? Or bite the bullet and go to your landlord. He might kick you both out, but even that may be better than your current situation. Good luck!

I wish people would read the entire board before they left comments...it's all here people, the key to a good roommate is as simple as not having one. At the end of the day you have to compensate your lifestyle for whatever the other person chooses to do. some people make the rules and others just take it and write on blogs because they don't know what else to do...and here I am doing the same.

I'm not here to say I have all the answers, in fact the opposite, you already know what has to be done. You KNOW you can't live with this person and after the first month you were aware of their true priorities and that they actually only care about themselves, otherwise they would respect your wishes and have the dirty toothless man leave.

My solution? Well in a few years, after my student loans are paid up I am going to move to the adirondacks and live with the perfect roommate. Nature. This is the answer people y'all are just to skeet skeet to admit that to make things better you have to actually hurt feelings and let people know how you feel, otherwise they will trample over you forever.

evinrde - out

Hi,
I was just looking through some of these types of sites on the internet and this one is EXACTLY like my case. My roommate and I have lived together for about 6 months and he has started dating someone. She's a really nice girl, but she stays here 24/7. I enjoy my sleep, i get up around 8:30 on weekdays, unless, that is I'm not woken up by a blaring TV in the next room. It would be somewhat Ok, but he's already left for work. She will lounge around MY small apartment until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Eat my food, shower, dirty my linens, and the kicker, her 'bathroom materials' just sit on the bathroom counter. I feel quite invaded and have absolutely no privacy. I approached my roommate, he took great offense to it and now she's here more. Anyone have any ideas on what i can do?

Punch him in the throat...seriously, though maybe if your comfortable with it talk to the girl, they are sometimes more reasonable...she may understand and actively come over less...I had a similar thing happen when my roommate was approached his g/f was over even more.....

Aren't these situations soooo frustrating?! I'd love to take the time to barf up all the annoying idiosyncrasies that overwhlem me about my roommate situation but the bottom line is I'm moving the efff out! I have tried for the third time to do the roommate thing. I now know I value my OWN space & since I can make it work, I'm bypassing someone to come home to, for some PEACE...no more missing items, unwanted guests, disruptions (inappropraitely timed loud noises/TV/partying), dog hair/barf/barking/shit/smells...I'll miss my garden :( I can control only my decisions...leaving in all behind me and moving on...good luck to everyone!

My roommate claims that his girlfriend doesn't live at our apartment because she is only over when he is there too, she happens to be over an average of 4.5 days a week. She has clothes, food, and toiletries as well. Also when confronted about the situation he told me thats the way it is so deal with it. He even had the nerve to tell me because I am not currently in a serious relationship that I do not know what I am talking about and that I am being inconsiderate My roommate even made a key for her without telling me or my other roommate first. I just found out that she helps him pay his rent, and when asked to pay more rent his exact words were. " Since she is only over when he is that she shouldn't have to pay money towards our bills because she mostly stays in his room so having her over shouldn't benefit us as well" and as for the utilities he feels that if she uses our cable tv power internet or water or kitchen it doesn't count as her using them but as if he was using them. My other roommate is a female who avoids conflict all together and usually doesn't come home because it bothers her so much she even cries about it some nights. Do I have rights, because he claims that because he was dating her before he moved in that we should have expected this so its our fault. His counter claim is that he wants my cat to go even though He knew before he moved in that it would be present. So I am the asshole according to him

This really hits home for me. We had a discussion with our roommate before we ever signed the lease and told him that his girlfriend was not always going to be around and he said he understood. But now we are here and it is horrible.

I can hear them having sex everyday. She is loud, and says weird things and it grosses me out. She doesn't even know that she is so loud. I don't know how to tell my roommate that he needs to shut her up.

She eats our food as if it were her own EVEN AFTER WE TOLD OUR ROOMMATE MULTIPLE TIMES THAT IT IS NOT OK. He goes against our wishes and sneaks OUR FOOD TO HER! I swear this girl has brainwashed him.

He just sits in his room all day with her and never comes out, and when he does, he sneaks around. It is the weirdest thing. Like he will peak around a corner to see if someone is there and, thinking he wasn't seen (but he was) he will scamper into the bathroom and close the door quietly before he turns the light on so people don't know he is in there. One time some of the guys came back from a party and just as i opened the door to the apartment I saw him run into his room and I watched him close his door quietly and turn the knob so the latch wouldn't make a sound....I watched him do this. It pisses me off.

He has changed so much and she has entirely ruined our guy space and our time with him. Now I can't wait from him to go abroad in the spring so she is out of here.

OK here is the situation. I moved to Nc with my boyfriend 2+ yrs ago. We lived here fine on our own...but missed our friends back home. We brought one of his friends from Nj to visit for what was supposed to be 2 weeks""! He had a job in NJ that is family owned so he was able to take off since he worked religiously 7 days a week. He had 3 beers one night and drove to the store down the street and got pulled over and got a DWI! Well his court date was 2 weeks after-he didnt have his own vehicle so he called his work got an extended leave so he could just stay here for court so he wouldnt loose his NJ license. Well He ended up having another court date..staying longer..loosing his job/apartment back home and everything. He's like my boyfriends best friend since they were kids so ..he offered him a place to stay and since the cost of living here is cheap we figured it would be very easy for him to get a job and get back on his feet. Well it has now been a year, and so far he has had 1 job-that only lasted for 2 months. We drove him there and everything. Over the past year we have maybe got 200$ from him all together...we have paid for food,rent,gas when he did work...he smokes our ciggs drinks any beer or alchohol in the house he can find...he will take money or change if he finds it out in the open.He also got this girl prego that he barely knew who is 18 and she now also stays with us and eat and uses all of our stuff. We tried to help him and told him he could clean in replacement of rent...we have tried kicking him out but ended up feeling bad..I have got him jobs,job numbers...I have tried everything...whenever confronted he appologises and acts like hes cleaning up..which never happens. I too am pregnant now..and we are moving from our 2 bedrooms apartment into a house...because we are so crammed here it is ridiculous.I am honestly losing my mind...but this is his best friend and he keeps letting things go and I dont think his friend takes him seriously when we say if he doesnt get a job hes going to get kicked out. &&& his gf she is ridiculous-young and stupid. She is due on Jan 1...and I feel as though she is like expecting usto always have money and take care of her and this baby she is bringing into this mess..but we are going broke because we are supporting 2 other people...and Im prego so I eat for 2 lol. I have no idea what to do I feel helpless-and I feel I have no options..It gets worse too...she hasnt told her mom she is prego and thats why she is here every day, she uses ALL my stuff the only thing she has of her own is a tootbrush,and clothes. She uses my blow dryer ,hair products,shaving cream,toothpaste..right down to everything she can get her hands on..What do I do?

I'm in a situation similar but different. I'm moving in with my boyfriend in 2 days. He OWNS his house and gave his roommate/cousin 6 weeks notice that he had to be out by November 1st. Well, the roommate has not found a place, has not packed, has not even considered moving out, even though my bf has told him over and over again that he needed to be out. The roommate has known since JUNE that I would be moving in in the near future and STILL has not done anything. I'm pregnant and my BF and I want to start a life together and get his house ready for the baby and make it OUR house instead of a dirty batchelor pad and we can't. We can't do anything. The roommate is taking up BOTH spare bedrooms, and what will be the nursury, he's growing weed. Isn't that lovely? I don't even want to move in with him now. I have a cat that is moving with me and the roommate doesn't like cats. My cat is terrified of new people and this puts such a stress on her too. I don't know what to do. He won't leave and the only ways I can think of to get him out are a} packing his crap and leaving it in the garage or b} having him served. I don't know what to do.

I am in the same boat with everybody else the only diffrence is that my roommates girl friend said she would pay our cable and keep the house clean so that it would be somewhat fair for her to live here and after a month went by and nothing she said happened I finally snapped and told my roommate what I thought about her and the shit she does that just pisses me off and told him that some things better change or we would start having a pretty big problem. After doing that he left pissed off and within the week she had cable turned on. and if anything changes I will just tell him that the bitch has got to go. And don't forget if your name is on the house you make the rules and no one person should have more say than the next.

Wow, I'm amazed my e-mail to this site is still getting responses nearly a year and a half later! It feels good that I wasn't the only one in this situation.

- Matt

I am in a similar situation, although not as bad as some of these posts. My roommate has his gf over about 4 days a week, they are messy and don't clean up, the girls toiletries have now been installed, and I only feel that it is inevitable that worse things are to come. I won't rant about specifics but I can't even have her near me, it enrages me beyond my control and I am normally a chill dude.

From what I have read the solutions people have been giving either point to MOVING OUT, or dealing with it... I agree with the comments about people doing 'as the please' and you can 'only control yourself,' but doesn't it infuriate you guys/ gals in similar positions? Why do WE have to move out??? WHY do WE have to CHANGE? Its true that everyone's situation will be different and tolerance levels will vary, but what gives these people the right? I am about to go the confrontation route and try and reasonably settle this, although i have strong doubts for resolution. Moving out may be the solution, but if its a war they want, (Or "unknowingly prompting" as some of you suggest) why not give it to them and proclaim it?

ALSO: When 'one' individual in a shared apartment has a problem with the invading gf/bf, while the rest of the party is either a: to afraid/less confrontational or b: doesn't live a room down from the offenders or is out a lot, This can cause problems for you frustrated people out there. I suggest that if they feel neutrally, then you should act as they aren't part of the solution or problem and let them be casualties if you go to "war." Perhaps they will rethink their positions. Good luck to you guys/ gals in these positions, and don't give up your ground and rights: You have every right to have your wishes, clean homes, quiet days and sleep respected (within reason of course), and no 'invader/non-renter' can say anything to the contrary.

ok here is an analogy for everyone involved. This is like pubic hair.

We all grow it. At one point we were all smooth. Then one day, we had hair down there.

IT is part of life. We cant change it.

We seek love. and if we find it, we try to hold on to it.

That being said, I dont want your pubic hair on my couch or in the sink we all share.

HEre is the translation. We are all going to be in a relationship even if it is random hook ups.

But if you have a GF or BF, it is not cool for that person to move in. A few days as a result of some issue is one thing. But all the time living there NO!

Also, random hook ups are cool if that's what your roommate wants. People coming in and out at all times of night, NOT COOL.

Hanging with your buddies having drinks cool. Bitching ALL the time NOT COOL.

So be chill. EVeryone. Dont move in too early. IF you are ready, get a place of YOUR own. Split places to spend the night.

Roommates, if it is a matter this person has moved in. Yes, voice it out. Talk about it issues. Dont bitch all the time.

GF or BF and guy or girl in the middle. Be respectful of those around you. You are entitled to have pubic hair. It is part of life. But it doesnt mean, i want to find it in my dishes.

So everyone be chill, and proceed with common sense. The fact is, your bf or gf has roommates, you CANNOT live with them!!!! NO!!!

GEt your own fuckn place!!!

You can visit, and fuck, all GOOD.

Roommates, your buddy or girl pal is going to relationships. It is normal part of growing up. So be chill. But that is NO excuse for the BF or GF eating your food, using your toiletries, etc etc etc. People are entitled to have guests. And if that is such a big issue I advice someone has to MOVE out. Because it is not just that. THere might be something else going on.

Here's one for you. My roomie owns the two BR unit. I could not have asked for a more ideal roommate situation until he brought a new live in girlfriend into the mix, someone who is not a US citizen, and who I suspect is an illegal immigrant. My privacy and my space has been cramped. I have tried my best to remain neutral, but things are really getting annoying. Plus there are a lot of unknown factors regarding where this relationship is going in addition to the immigration issues. On the other hand I don't want to hurt anyones feelings either. Suggestions anyone

I can't believe I actually read all of those posts, but I'm so glad I did. I picked up some useful insights, and I don't have to worry about being too repetitive.

Here is my issue.

My roommate is dependent upon boyfriends. She will stay with them until the bitter end, usually until they break up with her. There's three of us. One is totally passive-aggressive. I'm in the middle of assertive and passive-aggressive (it depends on the situation, usually more assertive), and the third boyfriend-dependent one is more assertive-aggressive.
It's not pretty.

Her boyfriend is selfish. He leaves his stuff wherever he wants, wakes up at 3am to either cook or go outside on our porch to smoke weed. Possibly to your surprise, I don't mind the weed part. I mind the door-slamming part. Mind you, I have to wake up at early hours, usually anywhere from 6-8am during the week. He has no such responsibilities, because he dropped out of college and has late-night delivery jobs because he is a felon and can't get anything better. I understand his dropping out of college, it's not for everybody, but for those of us who are PAYING RENT, UTILITIES, AND BILLS, and do actually have academic careers and responsibilities, this is very annoying.

He tried to break up with her last week, and although I felt bad, I was, in a way, almost happy. However, she wouldn't let him break up with her. She totally denied his attempt. He's a total scumbag and my beautiful, (usually) smart (until it comes to men) roommate could do so much better. If only she was a little more confident and a little less dependent.

He sleeps over just about every night. Whatever. That wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to hear his every move and if he didn't have to make his annoying presence known.

He often uses my food. He uses my food/drinks in the fridge, and he even had the balls to go into my cabinets (we have our designated food space). One night while we all decided to throw a party, he drunkingly came up to me and asked if I didn't like him or something, and assuming I was giving off such vibes, and I responded that only when he eats/drinks my stuff. He said he replaces whatever he uses, and I retorted that I know I get good stuff, but it's mine, I pay for it, and I expect it to be there when I want it; but in order to be compromising, I said that as long as he wrote down what/when he used my stuff, it was ok that he replaced it as long as it was as soon as he could. That lasted about 2 days, until I noticed he had left a note saying that he had gone into my cabinets and rummaged through looking for my hot sauce.
I said the stuff in the refrigerator was ok, I never said anything about my personal cabinets. So, because he wasn't there (for once) and god knows when he'd be back, I left a nice, concise, and to the point note saying that although I had left this particular instance out before in our previous conversation, my personal cabinets are off-limits.

He responded immaturely, by going into my cabinets while I was sleeping and moving some stuff around and being stupid.

I pretended not to notice. He got it out of his system though, and he hasn't done that again.

But he still uses my stuff.
And I know I can't talk to my roommate about it, because seemingly she's too scared to confront him about anything, fearing he might try to break up with her again. If only.

Confronting her about her rude hip-attachment wouldn't do me any good, and I'm not the type to keep nagging about him using my stuff as if he's some 2nd grader. He's 23. I know he wasn't raised by assholes. She tells me his parents are really awesome. Maybe he's a genetic defect? (Again, I try to give him the benefit of the doubt)

But I also don't want him to get away with it. It's my stuff. My money. I tried being nice by just accepting it, because I care a lot about my best friend/roommate and don't want to ruin our friendship over some chode, who she refuses to put in his place.

I care more about her feelings than his, but by confronting him, from previous experiences, he will go and say something like "yeah, so your crazy roommate flipped out on me about a bottle of pomegranate juice last night," and so I fear it won't get very far.

I've already seen he can be really immature.

And he disrespects her as it is (don't even get me started; let me just say he's possessive, distrustful, and irresponsible), and I don't want to contribute to any hard feelings between me and her, but this dude has got.to.go.

I don't care about hurting his feelings, I'd personally rather never see him again, but I care about her, and confronting her won't get me anywhere because, as past instances have shown, she won't say something to him, and even if she does, which has happened very rarely, he won't listen (as has happened at least 3 times in the past, out of about 5 times I've talked to her about random stuff), and if I say something to him, what's to say he'll listen to me, if he won't listen to her?

Shouldn't he be trying to impress his girlfriend's best friends?

I've been getting the annoying hunch that he feels as though he has a right to be here...at least that's how he acts.

I'm not even trying to confront him anymore.

I want this asschode gone. Whether it be out of the fridge, out of my cabinets, or gone for good. Is there any indirect way I could achieve this without needing to ruin my food?


Thanks guys!

- Blanche

All of these posts are like deja vu...its ridiculous...

So here's my story...

I live in a 4/4 apartment but there are only 3 of us, as one of the roommates moved out but his room is still open (we keep random shit like kegs shells and stuff in there, but remember we now must split the utilities 3 ways not 4)

My roommate's girlfriend is the epitomy of annoying. She has an apartment (which is nicer than ours) right across the street and yet she hasn't spent a single night there in at least 4 months. She lives at my place. Sleeps, showers, eats, studys, hangs out, etc...at my place. She has even moved over most if not all of her clothes/makeup/bathroom supplies. Sometimes we will have people over that are friends of both of ours and if they ask to use a bathroom she will say “Sure you can use my bathroom”…referring to my roommate’s bathroom. She has even had one of her own friends (girl) spend the night when my roommate was gone.

Also, she is completely irresponsible, not to mention a moron. She has almost burned down our kitchen on 3 separate occasions via popcorn, frozen pizza, and pre-formed cookies (How do you fuck any of those up?!). She will turn the heater on and leave the windows open so that we are heating the outdoors...and sometimes she will turn it on when it is already over 70 in the room. She has recently started to keep most of her things in the extra bedroom/bathroom like it is her own.

One day she turned on my roommate’s shower (on hot) and came out into the kitchen to start cooking. I asked her if there was water running and she said "It takes a long time to warm up" (if 10-15 seconds is a long time)...she left it running for 10 minutes after that and then she just turned it off without even showering!! Her and my roommate also do like 4 laundry loads a week, sometimes using large loads of hot water (wtf do you need to wash in hot water so often)

The most annoying thing is that every 5-10 minutes she clears her throat in the most long drawn out way possible (this has been going on everyday for months).

There is much more that she does/has done that is completely ridiculous (If you want to know ask…seriously I’d love to tell you it’s funny so just ask) but I don’t want to go on and on.

What baffles me is the way that my roommate has changed since they started dating. Until just recently they spent every waking moment together, last semester even sometimes attending one another’s classes just so they could be together. Nothing she does seems to bother him, even when she filled our kitchen with so much smoke that I couldn’t see let alone breathe. I just don’t understand how he doesn’t want any time at all to himself. She no longer has any other friends because she always blows them off to stay with him.

The weird thing is that before they started dating she always hung out with this one friend of hers. Also, her and my roommate toyed with the idea of dating each other but came to a conclusion that they found each other to be unattractive and annoying . But alas, her friend graduated and then she had nobody so she came running to cling to my roommate and I feel if her friend wouldn’t have left then they would not be dating right now.

Like most of the people with this situation I do not want to risk my friendship with my roommate who I have lived with for 3 years. Nobody likes this girl and she has no longer has any friends (not the kind of person I would want to date, someone who doesn’t have their own life…) and I feel like if I could just get my roommate to realize all of her faults he would no longer like her…especially since he started out thinking she was annoying anyway, I don’t know what changed…

Again, ask me and I will give some more examples of stuff she does/has done….I enjoy the venting…

-Jason

I cannot & will not EVER have a roommate again. I would rather live in a tiny, wet cardboard box outside than deal with one more petty roommate problem again. Anyone else that has had to GO TO COURT with a roommate should feel the same.

Her crappy boyfriend who stayed every week without ever paying a dime brought bed bugs and a $600 pest control fee which he (and she!!) tried to pin on me. Well - guess who ended up paying half...thats right me. Never mind i'm putting myself through school. Considering the amount I had to pay for pest control and a new mattress - its actually cheaper for me to live in my own apt.

So, for everyone on this post - GO GET YOUR OWN APARTMENT. You want your significant other over? Fine. Want to loudly bang them in the middle of the night? Go for it. You make up the rules. Trust me, its money well spent.

I have a roommate who has his gf come over every night. Last night i was home and so was my roommate, but she was not and all of a sudden the locked door is unlocked and she walks in. he gave her a set of keys and did not ask or tell me.

i mean really?

i have already told him that they need to change it up and go to her place sometime. i had a gf for 3 and a half years and we never did that. we would always spread it out.

So my solution is that if he really did give her a set of keys, when this lease is up i am out and i dont want to live with him any more.

what else dont i know about? i keep my door locked (already) because i own a hand gun and its a liability issue. now i keep it locked because i feel as though i cant trust him.

anyone think i am out of line on any of this?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck god damnit shit fuck ass damn shit penis face vagina ass dong cock face shit fuck damn ass and titts ass ass and titties!!!!!! Fuck! Seriously. I don't want her fucking money! I just want my fucking space! If I'm here and especially if I'm sleeping, don't fucking scream when you are fucking my roommate! Fuck fuck fuck you! I need to stop being a little pussy and straight up telling them I'm tired of their shit. Stupid whores suck! They suck they suck suck suck suck! a;sjkdf;laskjdf;lasjkdf;alsjdfjka I vented and I still want to punch people in the throat!

So I have a Roommate whose girlfriend decides to stay with us for months on end. She slowly twiddled her way into my roommates room one article of clothing at a time. I have been friends with my roommate since pre-school. We split $300/$400 the rent since we have lived here and this is not the problem considering he asked me to live her under these circumstances and he himself has a trust-fund of somewhere upwards of $10 million. She is the most obnoxious bitch I have ever met and so spoiled you can smell her ass as soon as she steps out of her car in the parking lot of the apartment complex. To beat all of that I introduced him to her so he could get over his last girlfriend(rebound girl)...So I am typing all of this while she sits in the living room waiting for him to do something for her and eating all our food and watching t.v.. This girl just graduated High-school and knows she will be set for life with this guy/my best friend. They fight and brake up 3 times a week. Keep in mind they have just been together for 1 year. I try to be the friend and tell him she is using him for all he has and thats the only reason she is with him. He has bought her 3 Iphones, a laptop, basically a new car, housing for 6 months since she has been here, a wardrobe of the best clothes, you name it she has it. He continues this after she has cheated on him, and broke up with him for her X. On top of all this he probably has the worst case of anger management I have ever seen I mean this kid gets mad and puts hole sin the wall if he loses at Xbox games. Tell me how i am supposed to go about dealing with this someone?????

I have had the worst luck in my life with roomates. Unfortunately I havent been able to live on y own all the time. I'm not going to list all the horrible things that have been done to my home with roomates, I'll just tell you it was bad! I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about

My current roomate. Really nice guy, clean and even pays me rent early sometimes. Its well appreciated the rent part since i'm unemployed. Back in April I lowered his rent 100 bucks and liked him so much I didnt raise it. This same month in April he met some chick that eventually turned into his girlfriend. I thought the first month when she was over 20 out of 30 days was just a phase, because my roomate wouldnt let his girlfriend live there half the time. I WAS WRONG. Let me say, when I met her she was nice i had no problem with her. Well EVERY weekend except 1 she has been at my house. Long weekends too. sometimes she would come thurs and stay till wed but usually the routine is fri-mon night. About 3 months ago i was sitting on my couch in my boxers they both come into the door. I wasnt expecting her so a grabbed my shit abruptly and went into my room. My roomate sensed something was wrong so he asked me. FINALLY after all that anger I rold him. I said I dont care if she stays here, its just she is here ALL THE FUCKEN TIME and I havent gone more then 4 days without seeing her. He felt bad and understood that I needed time off and some more space from her. I told him it was cool, and glad he knows now. The next weekend she didnt come over, he went somewhere with her. Since then back to the same shit! What the fuck didnt we talk about this already!?!?!?!? I have nothing against asian people, but she is one of those vietnamese chicks that barely speaks english, she's loud and she is one of those people who screams when she sneezes. God dammit if I hear her sneeze 1 more time i'm gonna put a sock in her mouth. I can't stand knowing shes in the house even though shes in his room a lot. She acts like HIS housekeeper too. scrubs his bathroom, HIS laundry, HIS room etc...She showers here, she cooks all kinds of nasty smelling shit, little by little her shit is staying here. You should see the kitchen. All these asian dishes take up half the space. When I talked to my roomate 3 months ago he agreed to pay the full rent i was charging him at the beggining. So pretty much he's paying the same as when she didnt live there. Its a little bit about the money. My home costs a lot of money to operate and I have a mortgage. ITS MOSTLY ABOUT MY PRIVACY! I JUST WANNA BE ALONE! (alone meaning her not there). I never talk to her so its always unconfortable. I have no interest in being her friend or talking to her I just want her to FUCK OFF. leave me alone for a while! gimme some time off! I can't stand her because I see her all the time! her annoying voice! ahhh :( My friends that don't know my roomate are cool with him. Its just her. My friends arent goody goodys and they feel wierd with her there. She is a straight shooter. I don't blame them. I have done everything to throw signs out there without bringing it up because I don't wanna bring it up to him. He is just ignoring me or not paying attention. I turn the heat off when shes here. I go into my room and turn off all the lights in the house when she is over (doing this as of lately) I just want my house back. My kitchen. My laundry room, MY SPACE! any suggestions on how to hint to him his girlfriend staying all the time is a no no?

My roommate problem is not as bad as most but it still really makes me mad. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4yrs, and we are now living together. Almost a year ago a friend needed a place to live, we had only know him for a year. We needed help paying rent so we had him move into our second room. At the time he had no girlfriends he was just a player, new girl every few weeks. He didn't touch our stuff and he mostly kept to his room. About a month ago this new girl(he cheated on the one before with this new girl) shows up. I left for the month to help my mom and when I come back she is in my home every night making dinner with my stuff and acting like she is the women of the house. My Bf didn't tell me because he was at work the hole time and didn't really know. I told my roommate that I didn't like it and it wasn't cool. And that listing to her baby talk and tell him she loved him every 5 seconds was too much. So, now she is still over every night they just go straight to his room and I get to go to sleep listing to her annoying giggles. He comes out makes dinner never cleans up all of his mess(there is a pan in my sink from Monday, that smells. My Tupperware has gone missing, I do all of the cleaning like ALL off it from the kitchen to the bathroom. she is using tp and soap and he doesn't even pay for that. Now any time I see them even if she is not with him my blood pressure rises and I can't stand either of them. OH! he is not even on the lease! I told him it would be less of a big deal if she actully stayed the night then stayed away for a couple days but no she still is here EVERYNIGHT and doesn't even stay the whole night, I hear her leave sometime in the morning like 3 or so. I really HATE them!!!!! The bf says suck it up and I am over the top and we need the money. At least I got to get it out though thanks.

Act like a really rude person in front of her. Fart burp scratch your ass come out of the shower naked and let her see you. If anything it would just be really fun. Tell her to go home. If she doesn't understand the English point at her then the door and wave goodbye. Write your roommate a letter so he can't ignore what you are saying. Take all of her stuff and put it in his room. Be proactive and take your space back!

So I have a debacle. My boyfriend and myself are on the leave to a house. We have had roommate troubles before where we had to ask people to leave. About 4 months before my boyfriend and I went home for the summer we got a new roommate and he has been wonderful. Clean, pays, overall nice, and respectful. We had left him at the house while we went home for the summer and without us knowing he left his girlfriend move in. Here is the kicker...she got kicked out of her house because she is the freeloading hippie type and so my roomie had her move in here. He did NOT tell us until we were driving back to school(a 15 hour drive). He called my boyfriend up and told him his girlfriend has been living in the house and her car is broken down on our driveway(oh yeah I live in a nice deed restricted neighborhood). Anyway my boyfriend and I decided immediately that she had to go but we decided to be fair and give her two weeks to move out. When we got down to our house and moved back in our house was filled with all of her stuff and filthy dirty. ( we actually had an inspection over the summer and it didn't pass the first time because it was so filthy and we had to beg for a second chance so we wouldn't get kicked out). The house was an absolute mess and things in the kitchen (glasses, dishes, bowls) were missing. My boyfriend and I were pretty upset about the missing things and messy environment. So when we had the chance we sat our roomie down and told him that his girlfriend had to leave in two weeks. Well two weeks go by and she never left....turns our my roomie was too...scared to tell her she had to move out. So then we had to extend the two weeks again but we told her in person. We told her she didn't have to pay but had to be out in three weeks. Three weeks go by and still not out. She said she found a place but couldn't get in for another month because of the lease. So we decided to make her pay for rent....(oh yeah all throughout the summer she did not pay a DIME! And so instead of splitting the rent 4 ways we split it 3 ways, causing us to pay for HER to live at OUR house). Anyways she complains about paying but finally manages to cough up the rent..

Now here is my main problem. This girl is a leech. She is disrespectful of my property. She won't clean up after herself, she leaves cigarette butts all over the place. And she does things that I ask her not to do.

Everything in that house is either my boyfriends or mine. We told our roommate that we had no problem sharing as long as he was respectful of our stuff(cleaned up after himself, didn't trash the place, etc). Well obviously his girlfriend believes she is on a higher peddestal than that. No matter how many times we talk to the girl she just says she will "try" but never does. I have about 2.5 weeks left (unless she has to stay ANOTHER month) and she is really driving me crazy. Now she is starting to purposefully do things just to rile me up. I really want to just throw her out.

Her presence is so overbearing that I find myself finding no comfort in my home.

Also I am worried that when she does move out she was jut continue to be exponentially overbearing!

PLEASE tell me what I can do!!!!!

I am afraid to confront her because I really do like my roomie and I don't want to cause tension but at the same time I CANNOT live like this is MY own house.

I've been living with my bf for 2 yrs now in my town home. Recently he has bought his own house and wanted me to move with him so that I can rent my place out and since it is a big enough house we can have a roommate until june, which is fine because I then only have to put money towards utilities and I can start saving more $. Then I find out we are going to have a third roommate until Feb. so my bf can use that money towards furnishing the new house. Fine I'm even ok with that. But now moving day the third roommate wants to have his gf move down and stay in his room so she can start finding a job down here. This pisses me off!!! If I knew it was going to be this many people I would of NEVER rented my town home out!!! If I wanted to live in a dorm I would go back to school. Even though it's my bf's house and by us having roommates right now I can start saving money, but I don't want someone I know constantly @ the house. This is technically OUR house and I feel like I don't have much say in the matter but I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable with the situation. I feel like it will only cause fights. What should I do????

My freshmen roommate, his girlfriend, and his other friend who is also my roommate are annoying. Almost every weekend their friends come over and make so much damned noise. They would yell nonsense words, talk really loud, and make so much noise. It is driving me crazy, and they are people you cannot reason with. this is my sophomore year, my freshmen year wasn't that bad. Anyway onto my roommate's girlfriend. She took my sodas not once but twice and uses my sink when she could use her boyfriend's. They also got caught having beer in the fridge and almost got in trouble. I really can't stand it anymore.

I'm not sure if anyone is still paying attention to this thread, but here goes...
I have been staying at my bf's apartment a lot partly because we enjoy each others company and because I live far away and staying at his place is convenient when I don't want to leave the city. His roommate is hardly ever there. In fact, she stay's at her bf's apartment about as much as I stay at my bf's, if not more. And her bf lives 2 blocks away. She has been complaining to my bf that I stay over too much. There have been times when she has asked my bf not to have me stay over on a certain night and then she wouldn't even stay at home that night. I don't understand why she has a problem with me doing EXACTLY what she's doing? I could understand if I was there everyday and she was actually staying there, but she stays home MAYBE twice a week. My bf just kind of shrugs it off, but it actually pisses me off! Is there something I should say to her??

Yeah, I'm right there too. I have a small two person duplex and my roommate has his gf over pretty much EVERY night (5-6 nights/wk). I wouldn't have a problem with maybe 1 or 2 nights, but it's basically all the time. The thing is she lives like an hour and a half away and goes to school 2 hours away, so she wakes up at 6 a.m. to leave, is freaking annoyingly fakely southern, and loud. Also, my roommate gives her the keys while he's at work so she sits on MY couch, watching MY tv when I want to sit down and relax. I've told him that it's ok if she hangs out while he's there and it's okay to stay a couple nights a month, but he just ignored me and the issue persists. I wouldn't have such an issue if she contributed, but now I'm cleaning up after both of them, esp with her hair in the bathroom and am still payinig full rent and utilities (for my half). I actually suspect that she's helping with his costs and I'm just left with the brunt of it. Our place is small and I feel like a stranger in my own home. I get the strong feeling that she dislikes me, (which is understandable as I intensely dislike her) but I got a new Xbox for Christmas, and had beaten my new game, and he texted me asking if he could play, and I said "No, not while I'm not there, cause every time I let others play my games, my saved game gets somehow messed up", and besides, I wanted some time with my new toy before I had it hijacked like my tv. So I came back the other day and my entire profile and saved game were completely gone, deleted. I can't see him doing it, cause he's a nice guy, buy I can see her doing while he sits around laughing. That last part's just a rant though, as I'm still pissed, and mostly speculation.

Also forgot to mention that she brings over her little rat dog that yaps every time I walk in the door and pees all over the floor if I look at it. One time it jumped on my bed and peed on it. They also take long showers together (45 mins +) and take up the bathroom. I have had to go to the backyard and take a leak before because they were taking up the bathroom for an ungodly amount of time. For the record, as well, I didn't just halfheartedly suggest it was a problem, I told him flat out he needs to cut back.

Holy hell am I glad that I'm not alone. My roommate has a girlfriend that has been diagnosed as bipolar, and is without a single doubt the most annoying person I have ever met in my entire life. She looks high even when she's not, and she's too dumb to properly socialize with people, so she just stammers and looks like the complete idiot that she is. She has seriously been here at least 40 nights in a row now, and tends to use my shit quite often. She eats our food, pretends to be a vegetarian and is incredibly condescending about it to people, and then eats chick that her boyfriend cooks. She is completely incapable of sustaining herself, her bf has to cook her single thing she has ever eaten at our house. She drinks 6 Mountain Dews a day and is just absolutely nuts. She's here even when the bf is not, and it makes no sense. SHE HAS A VERY NICE DORM ROOM, one of the nicer ones I've seen, that is seriously 5 mofuggin minutes from our house, but she is NEVER THERE. If her BF and I leave the house for 5 hours, she'll stay and "sit in his bedroom," rather than go home like a normal person. I know for a fact that she doesn't just sit around, as she's done laundry here (without permission) and forgotten to put my clothes back in. Honestly, just typing this makes me want to punch somebody. She is the most useless human being I have ever encountered and I have nothing but ill wishes toward her. :-)

This really comes down to having the wrong roommates. You can't expect that people are change their lifestyles to please you -- find a roommate that is like you and set up some ground rules, or live alone. Make sure when you move in that YOU are in a position where you can evict people that break he rules.

If you can't figure this shit out with your current roommates, then find a different setup. Bitching and moaning behind their backs solves nothing. If you are actually talking to them and they aren't listening, then get yourself out of there or get them evicted, whatever is more convenient. If you can't get off the lease, tough. There are ways to deal with noise (fans, earplugs, music, tv on static), there are ways to deal with food theft (get a mini fridge in your room), there are ways to deal with people hogging common items (get your own tv, computer), etc. Deal with it for a few months then gtfo and never look back.

If you want all the comforts of living with your parents (I imagine if you are bitching it was probably better at 'home'), then you're going to have to spend a little extra money on your surroundings.

Next time you get a place with roommates, get at least 2 bathrooms -- it will pay for itself in trauma avoided. Also, if it's available where you live get utilities included in the rent -- ie. you don't have to worry about racking up a utility bill, it's prepaid. Better yet, live alone.